If Only...

Peter didn’t like to start his day on a bad note, but when you wake up and find that you have run out of your favourite grape jam, you can’t help but be frustrated. The grape jam you put between two slices of white bread every morning. The grape jam you licked the jar clean of yesterday and made a mental note to buy more of and still forgot to buy. The grape jam that the only store open at 7 am didn’t have. The grape jam you find out from the shopkeeper of that store has been discontinued.

When all of this happens, you can’t help but be frustrated.

You’d be pissed, when after all this, you had to buy a different brand of jam. Not only that but you had to get strawberry instead of grape! Strawberry? Who in hell likes strawberry!!??

“We get a shipment of grape tomorrow if you can wait a day.” The shopkeeper says to Peter after he is inquired, nay, interrogated about grape jam by him.

Peter thinks, “Fucking sociopath thinks I should go to work hungry today!”, but says, “No thank you, this is fine.” in a very arrogant tone. A tone that prompts the shopkeeper to say, “Fucking sociopath.”, as Peter is leaving the store, not knowing that Peter did hear him, barely.

When all of this happens; someone calls you a sociopath and triggers an old insecurity of yours, you can’t help but be frustrated.

*

Peter gets home and slams the door behind him and goes to the kitchen. He takes out two slices of white bread and throws them on the counter. He looks disappointingly at the jar of jam. He picks it up to read what’s written on its label. “Fruity and Delicious!”. Pfft! He is annoyed by this blatant lying and a pathetic try at conning the consumer. How dare they claim something that can’t be true at all. He puts down the jar which had been covering the the clock behind it. He’s late for work. If he’s late for work again, his boss will make HIM into jam.

He leaves the bread on the counter and runs to the shower. He can NOT be late again. Peter runs around the flat trying to finish up his morning routine as swiftly as possible. While Peter does his, a few ants start on their routine and climb up on the bread that were left on the counter.

His hair wet, his shirt improperly tucked, he gets back to the kitchen. He once again groans in frustration when he sees that another force is at it, sabotaging his quest to have breakfast. He doesn’t even bother with the ant infested bread and simply takes two new slices. Unfortunately, these slices are the two ends of the loaf. He pulls a plate out and throws the bread onto it with fury. He’s too late, he’s going to have to eat his sandwich in the car like an uncivilised barbarian. This doesn’t help his mood.

He takes the jar and twists the lid. It doesn’t budge. He puts in more force. Still doesn’t budge. He changes his stance, ready to take his opponent in another manner. He twists with all his might, but it doesn’t budge. Peter’s face is red.

He turns on the stove and places the jar a few inches above the flame. He grabs the lid ready to twist but burns his hand. He screams in pain, anguish and rage all at once. His hand wasn’t hurt too badly, so he grabs a towel, places it on the lid and tries again. Every vein of his popping from his temple to his belly button but it still doesn’t budge.

He slams it on the counter lightly, tries to open it and fails. He slams it on the counter slightly harder and faster, tries to open it and fails. He heats it up again, takes the towel and tries again. He fails again. He goes to slam it again on the counter but doesn’t gauge his speed or strength. He slams the jar, now his mortal enemy, on the counter, which results in the jar breaking. Peter gasps. His kitchen is now dirty, a feast for the ants. Having reached his limit, he throws the jar in the dustbin and checks his hand for any injuries. He grabs his stuff and leaves the house and his jam alone for the ants.

When this happened, he was more than just frustrated, he was done.

**

If only Peter had stopped and realised running out of jam is not that big of a deal, he would’ve been fine. He would have had a banana and some cereal and left for work with a full belly. This unfortunately didn’t happen.

If not then, then maybe if Peter had stopped and realised strawberry isn’t that horrible, he would have been nicer to the shopkeeper. Sure, the loss of a beloved product is hard, but it isn’t as devastating as it was to Peter. Maybe he even would have been excited to try out a new flavour. This unfortunately didn’t happen.

If not then, then maybe if Peter had taken a breath when he returned home, he wouldn’t have left food on the counter and realised, while it would be tight, he had enough time to get ready. He would have had a relatively calmer morning and left the home with a perfectly tucked shirt.

Even if not then then maybe when he went to the kitchen after his hasty routine, he would have seen a message on the lid of the jar, “New sealing tech to keep your jam fresher for longer.”, and a simple instruction below it, “Press down and twist anti-clockwise to open.”

He would have tasted strawberry jam far more delicious than his old grape jam. Jam so delicious his knees would buckle while driving as the contrasting tartness and sweetness danced around on his tongue. He would have almost crashed into a car, but it would be worth it.

Unfortunately, none of this happened. Instead he just grabbed a potato patty from a store that looked like it hadn’t been swept in years and had mosquitoes flying around it. Instead, when he bit into it rather than delicious jam that lived up to the promise on the label, he had a saltless mush of potato wrapped in undercooked pastry. If only he had stopped at any moment and cleared his mind things would be different. If only he would have done that, he would realise that while his emotions were from a valid source, his reaction was ultimately pointless and irrational. If only he would have waited and taken a breath at any moment before he left his flat, he would have experienced a great product and breakfast that would change his life, maybe even make him tear up a little, and not a shit one, that gave him diarrhoea later.

If only. If only. If only…